What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of unity? Unity can be defined as the quality or state of not being multiple ; oneness. Is this what comes to mind when you think of your marriage? Do you allow the small stuff to create a big divide? While working with our mediator he gave us a HUGE nugget that we have learned to drill into our relationship. Its the rule of “Processes Vs. Relationship”. In any marriage you are going to have some ups and downs BUT you have to figure out which type of down is it? Is it a misunderstanding? A personality difference? A cultural difference? An upbringing difference? These all can cause conflict in any relationship but does it change how you truly feel for the other person?
With this new season that Marqus and I are in, we are experiencing the downs of Processes. Here we are with TWO whole boys and everyone in this house has a very distinct personality (especially the two year old lol). Of course two different people are going to do things two different ways but you can’t allow that to get in the way of the relationship. How do you avoid this? Glad you asked!
- Discuss expectations– It’s always good to go in with a game plan. What do routines, chores, and budget look like? If there is a clear understanding it can eliminate a lot of misunderstanding.
- Allow grace– No one is perfect. Acknowledge that there will be times when things will not go your way and that your spouse has their own personality too. How many times have you messed up and God provided grace?
- Keep the main thing the main thing– This is where we are sitting right now. Learning that a full trash can or makeup across the counters does not mean that you love your spouse any less. This is just a part of being married and living in a space with each other. Remind yourself of why you said I do and ask yourself is this a relationship issue or a process issue and we promise this will give you a new look on conflicts.
We hope this helps you as much as it has helped us!
Click the link to catch the episode too! 3 Ways to Handle Conflict “Processes vs Relationship”