This weekend Marqus and I attended our church’s marriage retreat. IT was two day full of love, laughter, fun and some major nuggets. I wanted to share with you all the one that stuck to me the most.
While sitting in our women’s session, Candace Tuck stated “Marriage isn’t hard. It’s what marriage requires you to BE.” When I tell ya’ll that hit me like a ton of bricks! She went on to explain that it’s the accountability and self-reflection that make marriage difficult. No one wants to admit they are wrong in a situation or that it really is THEM not their spouse with the issue. Ever had your spouse say or do something and it triggered you? We have to realize that the trigger is with ourselves not them. YOu have to ask yourself “Why does this trigger me?”. As you all know I’m a big advocate for counseling. To be completely transparent, while Marqus and I were going to counseling it was determined that I needed individual counseling. This made it clear that the issues that I had not resolved on my own were now bleeding into my marriage. I learned a lot about myself during that time like why I think the way I think, the cause of most of my triggers, past trauma that I had not dealt with, and most importantly family conversations that desperately needed to be had. When I completed my sessions it allowed me to better understand myself which in turn allowed me to express myself better to Marqus in situations. We always say communication is key but you have to be vulnerable enough to have TRUE communication. Always remember when your spouse chooses to be open and vulnerable with you that is not a time to build your ammo later down the line. You’d be surprised how open things can get when your spouse feels they are in a safe space.